Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Economy getting you down?

Economy, Economy, Economy. Did anyone know that we are in the midst of an economic meltdown? It’s official the economy has just taken over top conversation spot over weather and gas prices. In hard times such as these spending must be limited to essential items only. So here is my guide to savings that will surely get you through this historic economic meltdown.

Start using empty bread bags and a large elastics for birth control. Condoms are expensive and if the bread bag happens to be permeable then a kid will only stimulate economic growth.

Buy a one hitter or a pipe. Joints are hands down the most expensive and inefficient way to get stoned. With a pipe you can afford to keep spending the same amount of your disposable income on pot and stretch it out longer.

Use your neighbor’s power. Just before the 1st big snowfall run an extension chord from a low lying external outlet on your neighbors house. Let the snow cover the power grab, turn the furnace down and use several inefficient space heaters. If you don’t have space heaters go to Wal-Mart and buy them. Come spring, bring them back and say you aren’t satisfied, full refund.

Forget expensive booze; use Lysol. Take a glass and give a quick pssssht with the pressurized goodness, coating the interior. Fill the glass with water and enjoy. One can of antibacterial Lysol will sustain a large party all night. If you’re not that hardcore a quick huff from a gas can will also aid you in achieving a pleasant buzz.

With substance abuse, sex, and warm shelter taken care of, if you can siphon gasoline then the economy should be the least of your worries.